i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
