so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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