someone get that fucking seahorse.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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