even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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