I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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