Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
