I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
