I wish my penis had an off switch
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
