if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
