I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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