Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
