its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
