she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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