I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
