I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
