I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
