Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
