According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
