id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
