That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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