Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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