I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He passed out mid-signature
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
