Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
