you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
