Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
