this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
