she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
are you so shy because you have an std?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
