I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
