i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
