Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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