my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
