how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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