omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
