Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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