Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
