it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
