i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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