I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
