your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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