I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
