My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
