He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
