It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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