the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
