Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
