Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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