we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
