She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
