i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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