It's Friday. Sex?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
