Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
