I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
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