I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
